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Ivanka Trump Tells All

A. D. Coleman, Banksy-style selfie, 1-4-17In a stunning interview airing tonight at 6 p.m., previewed for the press yesterday, President Donald Trump’s eldest daughter Ivanka apologized for her role in the election of her father to the nation’s highest office, revealing that the entire Trump family supported his run for the White House as a last-ditch intervention and desperate plea to their fellow citizens for help with their demented paterfamilias.

“We didn’t know where else to turn,” Trump told NBC anchor Greta Van Susteren in an exclusive surprise appearance on “For the Record with Greta,” Van Susteren’s new show on the network’s cable news channel, MSNBC. “So we placed our faith in the American people. Clearly that was bad judgment on our part,” she added.

“Not for a minute did we think Daddy had any chance of winning the Republican party nomination, much less the election,” the “First Daughter” continued. “We hoped that the series of stinging defeats we expected during the primaries would prove to him the delusional nature of his exaggerated self-esteem, deflating his raging ego and enabling us at last to get him the help he so badly needs.”

"For the Record with Greta," MSNBC, logo

“For the Record with Greta,” MSNBC, logo

According to Ivanka, the family found Trump’s triumph at the GOP convention “shattering,” and its aftermath incomprehensible. “Of course we encouraged him to enter the race,” she explained. “You don’t argue with an alpha male who has enough power over you to ruin your life in a minute when he tells you that he’s going to rule the world.” But they never expected him to succeed in politics. “Nobody knew the American people were so gullible.”

As the new president’s daughter describes it, the entire Trump family sees itself as prisoners of wealth and privilege. “None of us have ever cooked our own dinner or washed a dish in our lives, or scrubbed a toilet, or changed a diaper. We’ve had maids and nannies for all that. We don’t even have to wipe our own bottoms; every Trump bathroom has a gold-plated bidet, and Daddy insists we use them.” She sighs. “Once you get used to living at this level, it’s very, very difficult to break away.”

Ivanka Trump. "For the Record with Greta," MSNBC, 4-1-17, screenshot

Ivanka Trump. “For the Record with Greta,” MSNBC, 4-1-17, screenshot

“Daddy hates dirt and germs,” Trump elaborates. “He refused to pick any of us up — not just the kids, but the grand-kids as well — until we, and then they, stopped drooling and puking and got completely toilet-trained.” She laughs. “The hardest part of the campaign trail for him? Holding and kissing babies. He hates that, especially since he can’t immediately disinfect his face and hands once it’s over, the way he does in private.”

She pauses. “If he did that thing the British spy claims he did in that Moscow hotel room — and I’m not saying it’s true — then I guarantee you he wore a surgical face mask and surgical gloves, and stood well back while watching.”

Donald Trump, Republican National Convention, 7-21-16, screenshot

Donald Trump, Republican National Convention, 7-21-16, screenshot

Asked about her influence on him, Ivanka shrugs. “Daddy likes to say things like ‘Ivanka always pushes me to do what’s right.’ What he doesn’t say is that he mostly ignores my suggestions. He actually likes to do things he knows aren’t right. He enjoys acting outrageously, making people angry. That’s part of the way he shows his power — get you all riled up when there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Humiliating other people, she indicates, gives the new occupant of the Oval Office special pleasure. “I think he actually gets off on it, I mean in a sexual way,” she opines. “After he does that at home to one of us he sometimes locks himself in the bathroom for a bit, and comes out looking all red in the face. You can imagine what it was like for him to do what he did to those poor Republican candidates, and then to that nice Mrs. Clinton, live on national TV. She didn’t deserve that — and she fought him harder than most, certainly including us. You could see the steam coming off him when he got back to the green room after each of those contests.”

Donald Trump mocks disabled New York Times reporter Serge F. Kovaleski, South Carolina rally, 11-24-15, screenshot

Donald Trump mocks disabled New York Times reporter Serge F. Kovaleski, South Carolina rally, 11-24-15, screenshot

“Donny, Eric, and I all grew up with that, so we’re stuck in that pattern. My therapist calls it co-dependency. Jared [Jared Kushner, her husband] is different; he just lets it roll off his back. Tiffy [Tiffany Trump, the president’s youngest daughter] does what she calls ‘going invisible’ — she never asks any questions, never talks back, never objects, she just leaves everything up to him. Barron’s the only one of his kids who figured it out early,” she adds. “Whenever Daddy speaks to Barry he just starts talking about computers, which Daddy knows nothing about. Two minutes of that and Daddy leaves him alone for a few days.”

How does she feel about the new president’s history of offensive comments about women? “Daddy’s been like that forever. By the way, those rumors that he started to behave inappropriately with me once I started to show are absolutely not true. Of course it creeps me out, especially when he talks like that about me on Howard Stern. He stopped that when Jared and I got married — more out of respect for Jared than for me, I think.”

Donald Trump apologizes for sexist remarks, CNN, 10-8-16, screenshot

Donald Trump apologizes for sexist remarks, CNN, 10-8-16, screenshot

She pauses. “You know,” she continues, “we spend a lot of time when he’s not around trying to figure out what’s going on with him. Narcissistic personality disorder, for sure; all of our therapists agree on that. But it’s gotten worse and worse. Early-onset Alzheimer’s is one possibility. Melania, who is a lot smarter than people give her credit for, has become convinced it’s neurosyphilis, from the ’70s, when he was tomcatting around New York. She has become an expert on that, and says he has all the symptoms.”

Another pause. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but Melania hasn’t let him in the bedroom for years. That’s partly why she insists on staying in New York; at the White House, if they didn’t share the bedroom the staff would know, and then he’d have to fire them all, which would be a huge scandal. And of course she’s devoted to Barron, protecting him from Daddy’s influence as much as possible. That’s what’s behind the whole ‘We can’t disrupt Barron’s school year’ story. It’s just a shame that the taxpayers of New York City have to pony up half a million dollars a day just to insulate Melania and Barron from Daddy. But that’s him all over: ‘Whenever you can, stick the other guy with the bill,’ he always told us.”

Trump siblings, Twitter, 9-2-16

Trump siblings, Twitter, 9-2-16

Asked by Van Susteren if she had “anything she wanted to say to the American people on behalf of the Trump family,” Ivanka replied, “We’re so sorry for the parts we have played in putting Daddy’s finger on the nuclear trigger. At least now you can see for yourselves what it’s been like living with him for all these years. Imagine growing up around a man like that — it’s terrifying. Electing him was the biggest mistake you could have made. This will only make him worse.”

This post sponsored by a donation from David Steinberg.

A. D. Coleman, Critical Focus, 1995Special offer: If you want me to either continue pursuing a particular subject or give you a break and (for one post) write on a topic — my choice — other than the current main story, make a donation of $50 via the PayPal widget below, indicating your preference in a note accompanying your donation. I’ll credit you as that new post’s sponsor, and link to a website of your choosing. Include  a note with your snail-mail address (or email it to me separately) for a free signed copy of my 1995 book Critical Focus!

Liu Xia catalog, 2012, coverBut wait! There’s more! Donate now and I’ll include a copy of The Silent Strength of Liu Xia, the catalog of the 2012-13 touring exhibition of photos by the dissident Chinese photographer, artist, and poet, currently in her sixth year of extralegal house arrest in Beijing. The only publication of her photographic work, it includes all 26 images in the exhibition, plus another 14 from the same series, along with essays by Guy Sorman, Andrew Nathan, and Cui Weiping, professor at the Beijing Film Academy.

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