At a dinner party in a restaurant the other night, I found myself seated across from an attractive younger woman who, in the now-popular style, wore her sweater so that the unrolled ends of the sleeves covered not just her wrists but even her hands -- right to her fingertips. This would look purely stupid if a guy affected it; I find it utterly fetching when done by an attractive woman.

It became even more so when she ordered a pasta dish and managed -- I have no idea how (and I watched carefully, though not obtrusively) -- to twirl and eat a plateful of spaghetti without either dragging her sleeves through her food or filling her sleeves with bolognese sauce. Nor did she do this in any flamboyant or attention-getting way; she just went at it seriously and finished her food when everyone else did. And drank a glass of red wine to boot, without spilling a drop.

You might well ask, "Don, is there anything you don't find utterly fetching when done by/donned by an attractive woman?" Sure. Smoking tobacco in general (except, perhaps, on rare occasions, a cigar). Belching. (Shrek I ain't.) Drunken behavior in general. Stoned behavior in general. Various forms of cock-teasing. Yapping little dogs. Beds covered with stuffed animals. Doll collections. Baby talk. Frou-frou. Architectonic hairdos. Any form of clothing that makes it impossible to run like hell in case of an emergency. Elaborate use of makeup. Simpering. Those awful fake fingernails. Complex undergarments with little hooks and eyes. Nose rings. Eyebrow rings. Prissiness. I could go on. So I'm not uncritical in this regard.

What piques my curiosity, however, is why and/or how certain things that women do -- like that sleeve mannerism -- simply delight me, especially when a man doing the same thing has no resonance and a man doing the equivalent seems ridiculous. For example:

• A man wearing a man's dress shirt and nothing else has no effect on me, though I might notice if the sleeves were significantly too long or too short. He certainly looks . . . not fully prepared.
• A woman wearing a man's dress shirt and nothing else looks unbelievably sexy, even (maybe particularly) if it's way too big for her; she can walk around like that in my house all day and never cease to please me.
• A man wearing a man's dress shirt with the ends tied together across his midriff looks ridiculous.
• A woman wearing a man's dress shirt with the ends tied together across her midriff looks unbelievably sexy.
• A man wearing a woman's blouse in any way whatsoever looks hysterically funny.
• A man wearing only his pajama top looks woebegone.
• A woman wearing only a man's pajama top looks unbelievably sexy.
• And so on.

Now, this isn't just me. I know that other men respond this way as well. And it's true from across the gender divide as well. Ask any woman how she feels about seeing her boyfriend or husband in one of his shirts -- or one of her blouses -- tied at the midriff and see if this works both ways. My informal polling tells me it doesn't. Why is that? I'm not complaining; I'm just curious.

Also, of course, where do women learn this stuff? From each other? From gay men? From fashion magazines, movies, media in general? Assuming that she didn't show up at his apartment sans blouse in the first place, why would a woman put on her lover's shirt (instead of her own) when she got out of bed in the morning?

Why does it drive me wilder with lust when a woman reaches her hands across her body to peel off a T-shirt or tank top or sweater or half-slip than it does if she reaches behind herself, grabs the neck, and pulls it over her head guy-style? Either way she's taking it off, a good thing in itself. Why does one method affect me more than the other? What's at work here?

The male libido will always remain a mystery wrapped in an enigma, driven by visuality and testosterone, at the mercy of nature and culture alike. But it's surely my Constitutional right to possess one. To the neo-Comstockians I say this: If you want my libido, you'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead fingers.