| The psychoanalyst and theorist Wilhelm Reich, a disciple of Freud, author of such books as The Mass Psychology of Fascism, later hounded to death by the federal government of the U.S., proposed in his magnum opus The Function of the Orgasm: Sex-Economic Problems of Biological Energy that to remain healthy the average human being needed to experience some 3000 orgasms in a lifetime. (A college classmate of mine, one David Zane Mairowitz, wrote a book called Reich for Beginners that's a good place to start if you want to know more.)
I knew some Reichians in my teens -- my best friend's parents had an orgone box in their apartment, in which he dutifully spent hours while growing up -- and so I learned of this quantitative theory of the orgasm not long after I had my first ejaculation (just shy of the age of 14). Having immediately recognized my own orgasm as central to my life, I took Reich's proposal to heart and decided to follow that precept.
However, on the premise that nothing exceeds like excess, I didn't stop at 3000. Instead, I've averaged over one ejaculation per day since 1959, bringing me to an approximate total to date of (I'm rounding off, while also factoring in the occasional sick day and also the days of more than one) 17000, conservatively estimated. The majority, by necessity, have been self-induced, but no less cherished for that. (As L. M. Kit Carson once had a character say when starting to masturbate after a relationship ended, "Well -- back to the real thing.")
Of course, as Steely Dan sings (in "Babylon Sisters"), "I should know by now that it's just a spasm" . . . but oh, what a spasm it is. And whether brought on in solitude or in the company of a lover, never less than welcome. If you know your own body and libido you can always count on coming; the late Harold Brodkey called this "a hot unfailing mitigation."
I attribute my general physical health, my sexual vitality, and my youthful appearance -- people generally estimate me at 15 years below my age -- to this practice, which I recommend to all and sundry.
P.S. Let me also recommend to you The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator, which will provide for male and female alike a distinctive phrase (indeed, as many as you want) to use in describing your own self-pleasuring activities. My first try gave me this: Shifting to fifth gear with the spitting llama. Can't beat that (so to speak). For a list of one thousand actual vernacular terms, past and present, for masturbation, check out www.masturbationlist.com.
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