So I signed up with several of these online systems, posted what I thought was an engaging, truthful profile, and started scanning the matches proposed by the system. This woman stood out: humorful, thoughtful, elfin (at least in the photo she posted), literate. On the other hand, her profile included a lengthy list of "Don't bother me if you're of these" caveats. A bit off-putting, but I decided to brave it.

It proved hard to get hold of her, either via email (my first method) or, when she finally emailed me back and gave me her phone number, on the horn. Eventually we did connect by phone, and had a fascinating, extended conversation, well over an hour. She sounded charming -- quick, witty, perceptive (though she talked about her most recent ex-boyfriend negatively and way too long).

After another round of unanswered emails and phone messages (I wrote that off to the lunacy of the Xmas holidays), we finally made contact again and agreed to lunch. Today. A cozy little restaurant I chose, downtown, somewhat off the beaten path. When I got there, a few minutes early, the hostess informed me that my date -- let's call her S. -- had called to say she'd be late, but was en route. I took a table, starting nibbling on some olives, and noticed Ben Stiller in a party of four across the room -- in town for who knows what reason. Other than that, the place was empty.

While online works very well on some levels, giving you some advance indication of whether the person is anywhere near your desiderata in terms of age, body type, interests, and so on, what it doesn't do is give you the information that the mind, the body, and the psyche glean often instantly, and reliably within two minutes of someone else entering your physical presence: that perceptual, on some levels animal response to another, what we commonly call chemistry.

S. started talking as soon as she walked in, twenty-five minutes late, and didn't really stop until I left her at the metro stop three hours later. Within two minutes I could tell the chemistry wasn't there, at least from my side of the equation. She was intelligent, and articulate, and sometimes funny, and certainly high-energy. She's had a complex life, and has examined it. Perhaps too closely -- or is too insistent on sharing what she's learned.

I heard yet more about the most recent ex-boyfriend and all his problems, including a few things that made me wonder whether he was really and truly ex. I heard at great length about her ex-husband and all his problems. I heard about her family and all its problems: illiteracy, alcoholism. I learned that she was in fact three years older than the age shed given in her profile, and saw that the picture she'd posted had been made (a charitable estimate) 5 to 7 years earlier. I had my brain picked for advice in an area of activity in which she and I overlap . . .

To be continued . . .